Knotweed vs Bamboo

Did you know that New Zealand has a problem with rampant honeysuckle?  Why? It smells of milk and honey, and, according to American novelist William Faulkner, it's also very sexy.

I used to have a problem with Japanese knotweed. Now the invasion seems to have stopped, but I can't remember how, when, or why I got rid of it.   It probably simply froze to death on its own, or drowned, in what's laughingly known as Wydemeet's 'garden'.

My latest problem is bamboo. There used to be a pretty little bush of it next to the bothy. Now it's like some triffid-based horror movie, with little shoots sprouting up all the time everywhere, growing so fast in a sort of "it's behind you!" kind of a way, that my septic tank is completely engulfed. The nice man from 'Always Cleansing' had to hack his way through a dense 15' high bamboo forest with his scythe to find the sewer's lid.  He looked like Bear Grylls in a logo'd brown boiler suit. 

Who will ever buy my house, once the bamboo has grown over the whole thing, with Sleeping Beauty (me) cowering under its leafy canopy, when it's been on the market for 100 years?

Of course I've turned to the omniscient Google for the solution, but there doesn't appear to be one. Google's telling me to saw the  fronds down to their stubs, and douse those in a poison from Mole Valley that's so deadly you're only allowed to buy it if you're an accredited farmer. There's not the slightest chance that I'll ever be able to source a specialist bamboo killer (if there is such a thing) willing to make his way all the way up here!

So my next pet is going to be a panda bear.

Knotweed is Knot Just a Weed

Last night I heard some terrifying bangs and crashes coming from outside.  There was someone, or someTHING out there. I cowered behind my laptop. It was a pitch black night.  No one ever, EVER, drops in on me. (But perhaps I should invest in a battery for my doorbell) 

The back door slowly creaked open. And in bounced Danielle, the picture of health,  even more beautiful than I've ever seen her, despite a year of living in agony as a result of Lyme disease. 

Lyme's, originating in the States, and caused by infected ticks, is becoming a serious worry on Dartmoor. It was relatively unknown a decade ago, when the face of my daughter's eight year old friend all of a sudden slipped mysteriously and rather frighteningly sideways.

But because the powers that be won't allow 'swaling'  (burning the moor's gorse and bracken) anymore, and also thanks to our warmer winters,  ticks are no longer dying each year, so now there's what feels like an epidemic. Beware, all ye Dartmoor ramblers!  

Danielle's GP refused to prescribe her antibiotics, so she had to change surgeries to find someone with a shred of a brain, and she's now at mine, where they're so efficient that it's easy to forget the NHS is on its knees. 

She procured her antibiotics within a couple of hours, but she also puts her miraculous recovery down to a cocktail of 'clean' supplements, including a tincture derived from Japanese knotweed! (According to Google, knotweed tastes a bit like rhubarb)

Now could somebody please come up with a constructive use for my bamboo?

And dont tell me to turn it into a fishing rod. Carbon fibre is far superior. Ive just tried to auction a 13' antique rod, and no one would pay £5 for it.   So I've hung it back on the wall, reminding us all that Wydemeet is a handsome, luxurious, purpose-built, 100 year old fishing lodge.